Saturday, 18 February 2012

Struggling to *go gently*: Part 2

Ah, you gorgeous Planetarians, all 467 of you (Hello newbies! How are you finding this planet?), I hope you're enjoying your weekend, wherever you may be. As for me, I'm heavy-hearted. A combination of events has led me here. The main one was that yesterday marked 6 months since my darling Dad died. Somehow that's hit me right in the solar plexus. I didn't see it coming. Such is the nature of deep grief, I'm finding. So I'm struggling to *go gently* again.

I think I'd been adjusting to it when shazam! Mr PB lost his job. So I had to box up my grief for a while to allow us to attend to triage on Planet Baby as we worked out what we needed to do. We had a resolution of sorts this week (sorry to be so cryptic but I must) and I think that's somehow allowed my subconscious to tiptoe over to *the box* and open it, whilst I was slumbering. Throw in miserable, rainy weather, a vomiting pixie, cabin fever, frayed tempers and PB HQ enveloped in paint fumes as Mr PB paints our new mantelpiece, none of which have lifted my mood. 

I've also been buffeted lately by unkind winds *behind the blog*. As long-term Planetarians know, I cherish my little haven in Blogland. It's *my place*. somewhere I can truly feel comforted by your friendship and support. It's enabled me to discover so much more about myself. I relish sharing my discovery of my long-dormant creativity with you all. You are my jaunty cheerleaders, wise mentors and kind friends. As fellow bloggers, you *get* me.

But some others who read this don't, it seems. I'm not one for tattling. I find it distasteful and not something with which I wish to sully my haven. But the unsolicited advice of some about my blogging has really caused me to do some soul-searching lately. I've pondered the accusations, weighed them up and tried to walk a mile in others' shoes. This is what I've deduced.

I wish to show grace under pressure. 

I will not respond to my detractors. I will carry on as normal. Well, as normally as I can given all the stresses currently burdening our little planet. I won't censor my posts for fear they may cause others discomfort. The judgey-judgers can amuse themselves. 
Here's a peek at one of my new moodboards! This really resonates with me.
Yes, 'grace under pressure' is my new motto.

I've never written a post like this before. It's discomforting but also empowering at the same time.

For once, I'm standing up to be counted. That is a huge step for me, something it's taken most of my 41 years to accept. I need to do this to 'reclaim' my haven. 

This is my cherished spot. It brings me succour in trying times. As do you gorgeous Planetarians. In spades. I can't begin to express how much I treasure your constancy, kindness, wisdom and compassion.

I don't mean this post to be a rallying call to you, requesting support. I just hope you can see it in the context of my being true to my ethos of *keeping it real*. Life isn't always sunshine and roses, I guess. Or black and white. There are hundreds of gradations of grey in between.

I've contemplated switching off comments on this post as I don't want it to become a pity party. But to do so would fetter me and that's exactly what I don't want. So comment if you wish. I'll understand if you don't.   

I trust my pecker will return soon. In true Scarlett O'Hara style, I just need to remember that "...after all, tomorrow is another day." I'll see you then!
PS I promise to reveal my new moodboards very soon ☺.

PPS [Edited following Carmel's helpful comment below] Oh dear. In my efforts to be gracious, I think my references to my detractors are too oblique. Just to clarify - this post does not relate to any troll-like behaviour in comments left on my blog. I would just delete such comments. Rather, it's about people who know me forming judgements on my lifestyle based on what they read here and then telling me in no uncertain terms what I'm doing wrong. It's poor manners, bad timing and ungracious. In my books, anyway.

PPPS Thankyou so much for your extraordinary and compassionate comments on this post. I have read, and appreciated, every single one of them. However, I won't reply to them all in my customary fashion and I will now turn off the comments here. I hope you understand - I need to conserve my energy and expend it on positive matters instead of focussing on negative ones.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...