Saturday, 19 November 2011

Some Saturday soul food: Karina Allrich

Hello , you gorgeous Planetarians, all 440 of you – my, we’re becoming quite a ‘tribe’ now, aren’t we?! A number of you have hopped aboard this busy planet in the past fortnight – welcome! I hope you’re finding your bearings okay – clicking on the tabs at the top might help you to find out a little more about how we roll here. 

Anyway, it’s been *Celebration Central* on Planet Baby today – we celebrated Joshie turning 6 this morning (posts to follow), scooted into town to watch the Hobart Christmas Pageant and then Joshie had his best friend over for a playdate all afternoon. Mr PB and I are beavering away in the kitchen now, baking his birthday cake and other goodies for his party tomorrow afternoon with family and friends from his last school. Next week, we’ll back up with a party for his current classmates! Wish us luck…
This week, I found us a quotation from Karina Allrich which truly resonates with me. It’s taken me most of my life to work out this life truth.

There are certain people who bring out the best in you.

Just being around them raises your game and makes you a better version of yourself.

Let go of those who whittle you down, little by little, to fit you into their smaller experience of the world.

For years, I let myself stay in work situations which, objectively to an outsider, were *unhealthy* to say the very least. I was stuck in an environment of bullying, snide comments, favouritism and other unpleasantness which still gives me the chills even when I think about that time. If only I had known then that there was *a better path to take*.

Or that to surround myself by people who encouraged me and made me feel good about myself would bring me almost unimaginable pleasure and a deeper calmness and belief in myself.

These people bring out my *sparkle* and hold it up to the glittering light.

It’s such a hard habit to break, untethering myself from ties which no longer support and nourish me. It’s not something I have done deliberately or harshly, more just a matter of increasing the contact with those who do provide me with that unwavering and heartlifting support whilst decreasing contact with those who don’t.  

And you know what? It’s really helping lift my mood which after my PND and my Dad’s recent death is such sweet relief. I also think turning the big four-oh last year was a mental milestone for me as I finally realised I was responsible for my own happiness, that life is not a dress rehearsal and that I can pick and choose my friends.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on Karina’s words. Have any of you had similar experiences to me where you found yourself surrounded by difficult people who dragged you down but didn’t know how to extricate yourself from the situation? 

Or have you always been a self-possessed soul with complete confidence in yourself and never let others and their opinions affect you? 

I’m intrigued – do share. You know we love having robust discussions here!


  1. Oh Jane, yet another fabulous soul food offering. I have spent too much of my life worrying, considering, agonising over the things others say and do and imply. To some extent, I still do. Though, reading Karina's quote, I am happy to say that last line fills me with some hope, because just lately, I have started to do just what she says here. Whilst I will struggle to sever some ties completely, I have definitely worked out those ties that are indeed dragging me under. Slowly, slowly, I have set forth on my path of distancing myself from such influences. It is such a hard thing to do and something I believe will be a work in progress for me. But really, life is too short and WAY too wonderful to be wasting it on anything or anyone who doesn't add value to it. Harsh, but true.
    Thank you for reinforcing this for me Jane :o) xo

  2. Did you really post this around 1 am? Um ah. Totally agree with the wise Karina but don't be too hard on yourself. I think it takes years to discover who you are and what you really want from life. I think having kids really makes you re-evaluate how you live life and be more mindful of what you teacher and to be the role model you wish to be. I think it takes years to be confident about yourself. I had a bestest friend for years but she was such a passive aggressive! Also, she was one of those who would reciprocate a dinner by inviting 20 people over to " get it over with". Absolutely not a nourishing friendship. I sort of slipped away so there was no ugly scene. She found me recently on the dreaded FB through mutual friends. I had to sit down and think about what I really wanted and since my feelings were those of dread, I culled her and the mutual friends. I feel so much better! Be kind to the younger you who was treated so badly because she knew no better. I think 40 is a wonderful age to reflect! I am a tad older than you dear Jane, a wise 4 years! I have wonderful friends and i know I could ring any of them in the middle of the night and they would drop everything to help. I also know I would do the same. Have a lovely day Sweet Jane...

  3. Great quote Jane. Very apt for me today. People certainly bring out the best and worst in one can't they. Making the break is oe of life's hard lessons. Mu

  4. It's a great quote, so true. I think I tend to see the best in people and have on occasion, not seen some manipulative, not so pleasant aspects of friends until it was too late. The friends I have now are not huge in number but are huge in heart, so it suits me well. Speaking of, see you later on today!! X

  5. Such truth there.
    But, like you have said, it's significance comes with life experience.
    Unfortunately, with a fair amount of the second part usually. Those that, intentionally or not, make us less confident, less sure of ourselves, less willing to be our complete selves.

    I always thought 'aging' was the enemy - but this year has completely changed my view. With each passing year I'm allowing myself to really be who I want to be - with the right company and support to do so.
    And it works both ways, of course.

    Thanks for more beautiful soul food, Jane.
    Happy partying!

  6. Happy Birthday Josh & wow, i absolutely love that quote from Karina, i've already shared it with friends between reading this post & commenting, so powerful, SO TRUE!! At least we know now, take charge can totally own the power of where we let others fit in to our full engaging lives. Love Posie

  7. Oh so true Jane.
    I have had some friendships go by the wayside and at the time it was very painful, but I think it is all about growth and being true to myself.
    I love that line you said about "being responsible for my own happiness."
    I will be 40 in April and I think I am learning many of the same things you are.
    It seems to be a real personal growth phase and a time to focus on what I want and need.
    We all need people who bring out the best in us and to give them the same back.
    Enjoying joining you on your journey as I also make my own journey into such things.
    Happy b'day to Josh! We too have been in the b'day season here.
    A busy but very special time :)

  8. Ooh, Happy Birthday Joshie and Jane!!! Having children was really the catalyst for me, not long after Nicholas was born I walked away from a couple of negative friendships, well one in particular and everyday now I am grateful for the change in my life. Still learning not to care so much what others think though! xx

  9. There is no room in relationships of any kind for negativity. Friendships that don't support you, nurture you, treat you honestly, help when help is needed, back off when you need to do it yourself, understand and accept different motivations...these aren't real friends. And they need to be let go, gently and kindly...but let go nonetheless. And the only way we recognise them is when we really start to know and recognise ourselves. It's not easy but you know when it's the right thing to do. Happy birthday to Josh : )
    P.S. Hobart 9-14 Jan!

  10. Surrounding yourself with people of integrity who relate to you well is wise and a source of joy in life. There will always be those that want to critisize and tear you down but they are the worst people to hang around regularly. Have a great week enjoying your celebrations.

  11. ..critisize? criticise. What was I thinking?

  12. As I read this post, it actually made me feel freer also! I love these words, so so true and isn't it a great feeling to finally realise this and walk the best path for us.

  13. Funny that you used the word 'beavering' - I just heard that in England for the first time yesterday. You all still have so much in common with the English, half the world away!

    Anyhoo, we definitely have a family motto of building people up, not down - and surrounding ourselves with like-minded folk. I think this is one of the keys to happiness :)

    Hope you are enjoying your last hours of the weekend, my friend!! XOL

  14. Hi Jane! Just found your lovely blog:) I think as I have got older, I find it much easier to stick with friends who bring you up rather than drag you down! Following along with you now:)

  15. a worthy ponder indeed. firstly happy birthday to you-all :)
    i tend to surround myself with supportive, loving people but i have to say that's easier to do when it comes to choosing friends -- harder to do when it comes to the workplace!

  16. The quote is bang on! I've listened to a speaker at an event who refers to the 'whittlers' as energy vampires. They just suck away, trying to bring you down to their level. I've worked with some and they are tiresome if you let them get to you. Once you see them for who they are, you almost feel sorry for them.

  17. Oh you just wait until you're 55 Jane, I just let people know outright that they are sucking the life blood out of me & to move on. Takes courage, but gosh it's given me the chance to live the life I'd always imagined!
    Millie x

  18. Ooh, I loved the discussion this one evoked. I relish seeing how your different brains tick.

    @Julie Were we twins, separated at birth? I sometimes wonder ☺.

    @Martha Ahem, you eagle-eye. I naughtily changed the time of the post to make it appear earlier than it really was. You're onto me! I'm so pleased you've also worked all this out. And yes, FB can create some real headaches.

    @Deb All power to you, my friend. I totally agree. Developing that strength is an ongoing WIP for me.

    @Sarah You darling girl. What a shame we couldn't meet!

    @Shar Maybe you, Julie and me were triplets separated at birth...

    @Jennie I thought it would resonate with you, my friend!

    @Kat I'm so glad to find a fellow traveller on this journey.

    @Emma So wonderful to see you here again, Gorgeous. I totally agree - motherhood has been the big catalyst for me.

    @Kerry You are so wise, my friend. I always appreciate your insights. And I have marked those days in the calendar!

    @Carol Like Kerry, you always bring such wisdom to this space - thankyou.

    @Karla So glad it resonated with you!

    @Laura Only you would pick out my 'beavering' - I'm giggling in Hobart!

    @Anne So lovely to have you hop aboard - enjoy the ride!

    @Bron I totally agree with you, hence my painful years of enduring terrible workplace situations. I now know what I don't want.

    @Laney I thought you'd appreciate this one as well. Yes, let's call them 'the whittlers' from now on - okay?

    And @Millie I love the strength which comes with life experience - you exude it so beautifully.

    J x


Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, you gorgeous soul. You've just made my day! J x

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