Saturday, 6 August 2011

Why I'm blogging through it

Ah, sweet Planetarians. You’ve been a patient bunch – I can’t believe it’s been nearly a week since my last post. My darling Dad is still in hospital. Somehow. The many weeks of this hellish rollercoaster of emotions are now proving very wearing on all of us, especially my Mum. In the week or so since I wrote this post, life has continued in the same bizarre fashion. The nurses have never been able to forecast Dad’s life expectancy more than 24 hours ahead. So we continue to get up each day, not knowing what it will bring.

I take the pixies into visit Dad occasionally as I have to help guide them through this process we call dying. They need to be part of the experience, too. I feel the dying of the light is drawing near.

I’d like to take you all into my confidence, if you don’t mind, and explain why I’m *blogging through it* all.
As long-time readers know, my Dad’s health has been in decline for many months now, especially in recent weeks. He struggled to make it to his 75th birthday party with steely determination. I know he was definitely holding out for us to move into our new home. He’s now been in hospital (his second stint in recent months) for 5 weeks. But the end is near.

Trying to stop blogging

A month ago, I wrote this post and fully expected I would retreat from Blogland for an indefinite period to ensure I could savour every moment with Dad and really concentrate on the most important things in my life, without distraction. My doctors had recommended it and I fully concurred with their view. As did Mr PB. I was so touched and moved by your extraordinary expressions of support and empathy about my announcement. So, everything sorted out, I stopped blogging.   

For a short while, anyway.

I dropped my posting to about once a week or so. It felt right. I still continued reading your posts in my Google Reader. I tried to comment on your blogs less (a hard task, for those who know me well!).

Missing you all

But you know what? I missed you all too much! I also found that blogging was providing me with a constant in a time of turmoil , like a comforting warm rug I could pull around myself to ward off the cold and sadness.

I wanted to keep up with all your goings-on. You are all so much part of my life now that ceasing contact felt horrid. I craved your interaction which you all so generously provide. Endlessly.

The support I’ve received from you

And do you want to know the weirdest thing? The support I have received from you, my bloggy friends, has far exceeded that from any other quarter. Hmmm, I'm letting that one go through to the 'keeper as we cricket tragics say!

Not only have you commented on my posts with such gorgeous displays of empathy and caring but you’ve also:
  • Emailed me with messages containing such kindness of heart and spirit, encouraging me to keep going;
  • Sent me care packages, often containing precious handmade goodies, made just for me and by you;
  • Sent me regular text messages of support and encouragement (one of you in particular – you know who you are, you precious friend); and
  • Met with me and/or offered to do so (thanks to the Hobart locals) whenever and wherever I want to.
Mr PB and I have talked through the whole concept of my *blogging through it*. I wondered if I should, whether it was distracting me too much from focussing on what was really important in my life. Right now.

He thinks I should keep going as it gives me pleasure and is a welcome distraction from the painful stage of limbo we’re now enduring. He has been completely overwhelmed by the care and love you have all shown me.

Neither of us ever saw that coming.

It also provides a sense of normalcy in a time of uncharted waters for me. I need that. And I think Dad would want me to keep doing what makes me happy.

What does *blogging through it* mean?

That said, I still have to exercise better self-care by following my bloggy rehab rules more. So that means:
  • Earlier nights;
  • Following less blogs (now down to 247 as opposed to the 532 I blew out to a while ago! I still need to cull a few more.);
  • Commenting on your posts less (please bear with me – it’s only a temporary thing!); and
  • Maybe not responding to your every comment both on the post itself as well as by email (for those who have linked their email address to their Blogger profile – see here if you want to learn how to do that).

Does that make sense to you? I guess everyone has to work out what feels right for them in such circumstances.

It doesn’t mean that I will provide you with up-to-the-minute commentary. Or share private details and moments.  

But it does mean that I’m still around in Blogland. Know that I treasure and value every comment, email and letter sent to me, even although I may not respond in my usual timely fashion. I figure there’ll be time for proper thankyous afterwards.

And on that note, it’s 10.42 pm so I’d better post this and dash to bed (thank goodness for our electric blanket on this chilly Hobart winter night!). I hope you’re all enjoying your weekend. Good night!


  1. You are a constant in my thoughts and heart beautiful Jane and I'm sure that there will be many amongst your friends here in Blogland who are pleased to know that you are deriving some comfort and uplift from your blogging during this most difficult of times.

    You are making the best choices that you can and that's all anyone can ask from you ever, let alone at a time like this.

    Be gentle with yourself and take heart that you are much admired by so many.

    Blessings to all whom you hold so dear,

    xx Felicity

  2. Yes, everything Felicity just said. N xxx

  3. Oh Jane,

    I know we just met and I didn't realize all that was going on with your Daddy. My Daddy, long gone now, was the apple of my eye. It is so difficult when your parents get to that point, especially with a young family that requires so much of your energy. One day at a time Jane. Hour by hour do as you feel you should, what seems right. I know your steadfast blogging mates always get it and know when you are MIA, it is for a good reason. I do understand the need to stay connected to your blog for support and as an outlet. Just take care of YOU as clearly, YOU are in demand every minute of every day at this point in time. And, remember to breathe.

  4. hey - very well explained and a good decision (yes, very biased!). I've only been blogging for a few short months but have already found a couple of souls who understand me more than most of my 'real life' friends!
    A good distraction + healthy dollop of support and love? why ever wouldn't you keep on blogging!!
    still thinking of you everytime I walk past those flowers...fee ♥

  5. Dear Jane, I'm so happy we met in Blogland and I feel for you and your family. I can totally relate to your post, because the lovely people I met during my shot blogger debut are amazing, including you. Blogging also helps me through some rough times ;-)) All the best wishes for your Dad!
    Hugs Tesca

  6. Jane - Wishing you strength, courage and resilience to get through this trying time.
    All the best,

  7. Through such a difficult time, you have written such a beautiful post that highlights to me everything that is so precious about the connections you make in the blogging world. I am so glad that you are finding such loving support. xx

  8. Sometimes the blog is a welcome distraction too. A very hard time Jane, be kind to your self, we will all be here when you get back if you do decide to take a break. xx

  9. Thinking of you Jane & sending you love & courage to help you through this. It's a funny thing blogging, it looks to me like you've got it all in perspective though. Sometimes it's a great place to be, to write your thoughts & to receive support & encouragement from so many people who truly care & wish they could do more..but it's important to limit the blogging too, it can be VERY to you & your family Jane x

  10. I realised after I left your house the other day that we hadn't talked about your dad. I felt really bad but then thought that you know I'm thinking of you regarding that and that maybe it's good to have a little break from worrying about it. Do you know what I mean? Take care x

  11. What a terribly sad time you must be going through...I always find blogging to be therapeutic when times are stressful and totally get why you're blogging through it. Sending you a big warm hug. xx

  12. You do what works for you .... I totally understand the needing to blog through it. Some normalicy it al the turmoil...

    I often think of you all and wonder how you are going. NO matter how long death takes and etc it never lessens the grief that goes and follows it...

  13. Blogging through it (in the way you know you can) sounds like the very best thing to do - we're all here for you! Take care and keep your chin up. xo

  14. The writing down of words and then the sharing of them is one of life's great therapeutic devices I think. But I may be biased :) I think it's wonderful that you have worked out what is best for you and the people you love, and for those who love you back. Blogging is the perfect vehicle for thinking, for sorting, for sharing what you can and withholding what you should. I think you do it really well Jane. A lot of people are thinking of you and sending love and hugs your way. And it's so lovely to hear that they help you in some small way through what is such a difficult time. Take care xx

  15. What a tough time in your life Jane. I think being in the 'now' and blogging is a great idea to process your thoughts and feelings. Blogging is like a diary complete with support network and cheering squad rolled into one. Big hug to you. x

  16. oh Jane sending you big hugs I think you are doing the right thing its so good to talk & not let emotions be kept within, my thoughts are with you take care xx

  17. I understand your choice to keep blogging through this difficult time, as you say, it is comforting with all the lovely fellow bloggers sending you warm wishes and a 'distraction' from other hard times you are currently faced with. I remember when my Dad died, I wanted to be around people and to talk about things whereas when my friend went through a similar experience, she isolated herself and didn't want to have contact with her friends at all while she worked through things. Everyone deals with things differently. Sending you much love xx

  18. Hi Jane..I think that you have put some very sensible boundaries in place without taking yourself away from a source of comfort and pleasure. I think they are well worth implementing with or without a stressful condition motivating us. Please accept a few more hugs from me...o o o o o .

  19. Good on you Jane! I am glad to hear that you are taking care of yourself too! I know I never expect comments or emails back and totally understand how hard it is to keep up with it all! I leave comments because I come and check how you are doing and want you to know I care (XXXX) and would not worry if I didn't hear back from you, and I am sure others feel the same. You are doing the right thing.
    I recently have dropped to blogging once a week because it is all I can manage... my world didn't fall apart!!! My friends are still around,I just have a bit more to catch up on but it is working for me.. you have to do what you can manage without any stress!
    Happy week dear! x

  20. I understand how you feel blogging helps at this time Jayne.
    My sister passed away this year and we had this very long time in hospital also.
    Blogging uplifted me and made me smile.
    It's a very positive thing in a crazy world.
    Thinking of you. Take care.

  21. hello lovely Jane - thinking of you often - not around much myself ... stay connected the best way that feels right for you - love to the pumpkins le xox thirdontheright

  22. Thinking of your often Jane and I'm so glad that you're able to blog through it all. I def feel the same. If I'm having a down time I don't feel like blogging but then once I do it totally cheers me up and I'm so glad that I did. Lots and lots of thoughts and prayers to you!

  23. Dear Jane I love your honesty and strength. Do what you need to do to stay strong. My thoughts are with you and your family. Take care....

  24. I completely understand the feeling of support that you receive from the blogging community. I tried to schedule in some offline days recently but discovered that it actually made me feel more cut off from those I could really talk to. So have decided to just limit online time when I'm with my kids and still hop on twitter and blogs guilt-free whenever I'm on my own. There is such a wonderful amount of love and support out there that the need to blog through the tough times is a good decision. And I'm always here for you too xxxCate

  25. take a breath...
    come back here...
    spend time with your papa...
    come back again...
    take another breath...

    we are still reeling - some hours are wonderfully normal...some feel like we are walking outside of ourselves...
    just take what ever time & whatever path you need...
    friends support no matter where you are Janey...

    M xxx

  26. As you say yourself Jane - everyone needs to work out what feels right for them. Some days blogging will be the "right" thing and other days not. You are the one that controls that decision, just keep doing what feels right for you. There are no rules here...
    Take care.

  27. Oh dear Jane, I COMPLETELY understand what you're saying. Don't think for one second that I expect you to respond to my comments OR leave comments on my blog. I know only too well how caring you are and you know I am thinking of you. I thoroughly enjoy reading each and every update you have the capacity to put forward and I feel connected through these posts, so please don't feel you need to do anymore than that. Right now, you should be doing exactly what makes you feel good AND makes your life a little easier. There are some tremendous individuals out there in blog land and I agree that some of them are more in tune with my life, than some of the people IN my life are. Take care and sleep well Jane, we're all still here whenever you get the chance to share your latest :o) xo

  28. As the saying goes Jane " You get out of life, what you put in!", so it is no wonder why you are recieving so much love & support. You are a beautiful person & even without meeting you face to face, I find you to be a constant source of inspiration & a person I admire greatly.
    You do just what helps to make you & your families life better & we will always be available for support & a shoulder to lean on.
    Hugs & squishes

  29. I know this is a tough time and so difficult. I know what you mean about blogging, but it can be draining, too so good for you for crawling into that electric blanket, which is so odd for me to say since we are in a terrible heatwave here in NC. I stay up way too late these days.


  30. It makes sense to me to gravitate towards where we find our Support and comfort and I'm not surprised that you have been shown such support.

    You're such a lovely lady and I'm glad you're being cared for during this sad time.


  31. Oh sweet Jane, makes me sad and happy at the same time reading your post (mostly sad because of your dad) but then happy that you get support from so many of us out there in blogland. I hope every little word written helps you in this hard time - thinking of you a lot.

  32. reading this post has me in tears lovely Jane.
    I feel for you and your family and can honestly say that I understand what you are going through.
    as the month ends it will be 2 years since my dad passed away and even though I don't write such beautifully well written posts like you do I can say that blogging through it does help in many ways.
    the love and support received from the bloggy community is absolutely amazing.
    if you ever need to talk to someone please feel free to email me. I am here for you and reading about your dads deterioration brings back a flood of memories.
    sending you strength lovely and big hugs ♥

  33. Sweetie, we are all just a mouse click away and will not leave. Come visit us if you want, but never feel guilty if you don't. I am thinking about you.
    Big Hug, Iris

  34. Breathing a sigh
    of relief for you,
    sweet Jane. I've
    been out of town and
    I closed my eyes and
    said a prayer before
    I clicked on your blog
    in my reading list.
    I am glad that blogging
    is a comfort and I
    hope you know there
    are no expectations; do
    what you need to do to
    take care of yourself
    and your family. I'll
    continue to send winged
    prayers across the world.
    xx Suzanne

  35. It is so therapeutic to share and receive support in return - it makes sense to keep blogging, Jane. And you are recording a very important time in your life, which is also one of the reasons why you blog. So, we are here. x

  36. Thanks, you gorgeous treasures. What delights you all are to read this post, let alone leave your heart-warming comments here. Thankyou so much for your empathy and support. I'm so glad you *get it*. I'm a lucky girl to have you all behind me. J x

  37. Sending sweet hugs your way Jane xo

  38. Jane ~ I am so sorry to hear about your father. I'm sure you will figure out how to strike the right balance. I bit of supportive distraction can be good in times like this. xo ebh

  39. I just wanted to pop by, see how you're going and say hi. I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and think you are managing everything beautifully!

    Take care and worry about you and your family.

    Best wishes,


Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, you gorgeous soul. You've just made my day! J x

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