Thursday, 28 July 2011

I am my father's daughter

Ah, you sweet-hearted souls! Thanks for all your warm and encouraging words about my first blogoversary. You have no idea how much I delight in your company in this vast expanse we call Blogland. At the moment, so many of you are providing me with comfort and emotional sustenance far beyond anything I could ever have dreamt of. I truly value all comments you leave here. Know that I read, absorb and treasure every single one.

I really want to let you know how I'm faring at the moment. So many of you have emailed me, asking for updates on my darling Dad after this post and this one
My handsome Dad holding 12 week old me
Life feels precarious right now. I never know what the day will bring. It could be Dad's last day on earth or it might just be more of the same. 

The scurrying to the hospital for a visit, sometimes with the pixies (who all kiss and cuddle him once his bed has been lowered to the ground so they can clamber onto him, Sammy especially) or without.

The jumping when the phone rings, wondering if it will be 'the call'.

The words a-tumbling through my head as I sort out my thoughts to write his eulogy. The brainstorming, the scribbled words under headings as I try to distil the essence of this man, this gorgeous, huge-hearted man. How do I sum up his 75 years of vibrant, pulsating living in 10 minutes? I don't know the answer yet.

The fleeting lucid moments I share with him before he loses track of his thoughts and becomes befuddled. But doesn't realise he's done so. That is a blessing, I guess.

I hold his hand as often as I can. Such moments are precious. And private. No photos here. He deserves that dignity.

But at least some clarity of thought is emerging for me. Finally.

I am my father's daughter.

I am truly blessed.
This post was rewound on 25 November 2011 at And then there were four's Weekend Rewind.


  1. dear Jane my thoughts & prayers are with you and your dad ..i know exactly what you are feeling and understand that the time you have with your dad are so precious and so special,enjoy every moment.sending you lots of hugs and strength to you sweetie xox

  2. This post literally gave me shivers Jane. It's beautiful in a haunting kind of way... and in every way that is meant as a compliment. You have an ability to bring out true, raw emotion in people with the way you write.
    I can only imagine how tumultuous life is for you at the moment. The idea of everything being turned upside down is scary at the best of times, but when it's imminent, it must be incredibly difficult.
    You're doing a great job Jane, really you are. You are definitely the kind of daughter any parent would be proud of. Thinking of you and sending warmth and positivity to you and your family xo

  3. And your father must be so so proud to have you as his daughter Jane.
    Sending cyber hugs your way, as ever.

  4. Every time I read a post that you have written about your Dad, I cry....for you and for myself too I guess....

    This photo is beautiful Jane, just look at the tenderness in your Dad's truly does speak a thousand words.

    Thinking of you Jane as always....a few months ago I asked my Dad for some information about various times of his life, this was in the time before he started becoming more confused. And I have to say that in my sad days right now, those moments, words and feelings he gave me are what keep me going....they really feel like treasures xx

  5. Gosh I got shivers reading this brought back so many memories for me. You have such a beautiful way with words that they will not fail you when the time comes.
    Keeping you in my thoughts.

  6. oh sweet...i am now crying's pretty constant at the moment...

    just feel blessed you have every moment left...the love of your dad...
    & time to sit with him...

    from experience, these are the moments that come back time and time again...the final ones- make them beautiful...then the lifetime you had together will flow behind....

    huge hugs of support to you...melissa xx

  7. What a thoughtful and poignant post!

    You do your father proud.

  8. Dear Jane You are bringing tears to my eyes with your strength and determination and resolve. Be strong dear Jane. You are indeed your father's daughter...

  9. Oh Jane, I am crying!
    You are always in my prayers as you go through this tough time. Your dad is/would be so proud of you. I love the photo of you and your dad when you were a baby, thank you for sharing it with us.
    Big huge hugs,

  10. Hi certainly are your father's daughter and you do him proud. You are his legacy here on earth, the evidence of his existence and he will always exist while you are here and that of course extends to your children. Isn't that wonderful..nobody is ever forgotten while there are generations forming! Don't be will all be ok.

  11. As Carol so poignantly wrote, you are part of his legacy. A little of his essence surges and sparkles in you. What a fabulous photo of the two of you. I can see your grown-up self in those baby eyes, and I can see your face in your dad's.

    Thinking of you every day Jane xx

  12. Love that you can all jump on his bed (my father would have it the same way) & are spending precious time with your Daddy. I'm a Daddy's girl too, i will be devestated when i lose mine, he's 80 next year, full of stents, pace makers & surviving strokes, he made of steel. Love Posie

  13. Tears, Jane. It's good to have this update. x

  14. That my dear friend you certainly are....Your fathers daughter. As I sit here reading your special words about your wonderful father I remember a wonderful man always there for his daughter and being a big part of her life then, as you are now. You have many thinking of you at this precious time xxxx Felicity

  15. Love this post, Jane and feeling with you, sending you lots of hugs! Tesca x.

  16. Jane, you are often in my thoughts. Thanks you for taking the time to update us here in blogland. What a heartbreaking time but also a very special time to appreciate being in the moment every moment you can with your dad.

  17. You are being so strong Jane, and it must be so hard, and terrifying. I admire how you are keeping it together for your family .... look after you too won't you. I hope you are managing a tiny bit of you time to recharge... there will be tough times ahead, but being your fathers daughter you know you can manage to get through, and hopefully with a smile on your face in the end, appreciating the good times. Thinking of you and wishing you and your family well! Big hugs. X

  18. Thinking of you Jane and sending you big hugs. I understand how hard these days can be not knowing 'when'... those final days and moments spent together are very precious x

  19. Jane, your beautiful words brought tears to my eyes as I read this post, you are a beautiful caring daughter & your dad must be so proud. Thats a lovely photo you have there to cherish. Thank you so much for sharing, my thoughts are with you & your family xxx

  20. Oh sweet Jane - I also have tears in my eyes - I can't even begin to fathom what it must be like having a sick father. Thanks for sharing your feelings, hope things get better soon. My love and thoughts A xx

    PS: i did change my linkwithin widget - looks much better - thanks hon.

  21. Hi Jane Felicity said you were 1 year in blogland congratulations for that I also want to send my best wishes to you for your father & hope all will be well for you & your family regards Lainey x

  22. Jane, the words will come and when they do they will be pure and loved filled. Wish I could give you real hugs but virtual ones will have to do xx

  23. Oh honey how bitter sweet this time is for you right now.
    I'm sure the words will come to you when the time is right and you are ready.
    Sending you an online hug and wanting to let you know the rainbow will be beautiful, you just need to weather the storm.

  24. Sometimes I think that the best Eulogy is the one that says, I loved him and he loved me. What greater gifts can we give as humans than to love and allow ourselves to be loved.

  25. Holding your
    hand from across
    the world as you
    make this journey
    with your dad.
    The love you have
    for each other
    will continue to
    see you through.
    xx Suzanne

  26. Oh, my. Your compassion and kindness just floors me. Thankyou, everyone. I'm sorry to have made you cry - that wasn't my intention! Your support and encouragement is helping me through these dark days. J x

  27. Like the others, it gave me goosebumps. Tears. x

  28. Oh Jane. I have missed this, and I am so sorry. Please know that I'm sending you a million prayers and hugs because you all need strength to get through this - physically and emotionally.

    You have worded this post so beautifully and honestly. xx

  29. Thanks, Emma and Kymmie. I really appreciate your gorgeous compassion so much. J x

  30. Our blogs are such an amazing record, Jane. Not just of the events in our lives, but of the way we are, were and will be. They are also a record of incredible support and compassion when the chips are down. A full life.

    Reading this post made a lump form in my throat the size of Tassie. x

  31. You are such a gorgeous friend, Bron. I'm blessed to have you in my life. J x


Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, you gorgeous soul. You've just made my day! J x

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