Wednesday, 6 July 2011

Bittersweet: a daughter's lament

Thanks, sweet Planetarians, for all your encouraging words about our weekend gardening foray. Discovering my green thumb is a fascinating process! You should see me, out pruning our roses. I keep discovering more and more, lying strangled under alyssum. And wait until you see the follow-up photos taken after Mr Mulcher had done his work ☺.

Source
But my life isn't just a bed of roses at the moment. Far from it.

I've posted before about my darling Dad's worsening health. Sadly, it has declined rapidly in the past month or so. A lot of his spleen has died due to the lack of oxygen (caused by his low red blood cell count resulting from his myelofibrosis).

He has had multiple RBC transfusions recently but they don't seem to be helping his body anymore. However, he has elected to continue receiving them.

Today he went by ambulance back to hospital as they suspect he has a kidney infection. He also has pressure sores developing, despite sitting and lying on special foam cushions.

He's not in any pain, so that is some relief. Sam and I popped in today to see him and Mum just after he had arrived. I was able to have a quick conversation with him and he was coherent. However, he couldn't understand why he was in hospital.

Mr PB spent some time with him tonight, helping him eat his dinner as Mum had to go out. His specialist attended and explained that Dad's systems are gradually shutting down, one by one. He said we are probably looking at him lasting a matter of weeks, if not days, and that we should tell him what we need to now.

I suspect he won't leave the hospital at this rate.

Having him in hospital will give Mum some much-needed respite as she has become his much-needed full-time carer and it has taken a dreadful toll on her. 

He has lost about 20 kg in weight so is now about 50 kg, just parchment skin stretched over a bag of bones. He requires the use of a walker and has lost control of a lot of his independence. His macular degeneration has set in quite rapidly so he struggles to see much now.

He spends a lot of time sleeping.

Anyway, whilst this is terribly distressing and heart-breaking to put into words (I am sobbing my heart out as I write this), I hope it helps you understand where I'm at.

Life is terribly bittersweet at the moment. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows, all happening at once.   

I would love to catch up on your latest. However, I hope you won't mind if I am a bit absent from Blogland for the immediate future. 

I really have to make the most of every day I have left with my darling Dad.
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45 comments:

  1. No one can truly appreciate you turmoil of feelings.... but you are never alone

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  2. Oh! sweet Jane, my thoughts and prayers are with you at this emotional and difficult time. Take your time to enjoy your time with your Dad. Hugs to you. N x

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  3. Will certainly keep you all in my thoughts and prayers, Jane. Hang in there.

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  4. Oh Jane, it is all just so sad. Please know I am thinking of you and your family and wishing you love and strength. x

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  5. Thinking of you Jane and hoping that the days/weeks/whatever time you have with your dad is special and that you all have the chance to say what you need to say to one another.

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  6. Jane, I've only just come across your blog but had to comment and say that my thoughts are with you and your family. Treasure the time you have with your Dad.... take care xo

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  7. Of course Jane -- take every moment and more that you need. Will be thinking of you and your family. *Hugs*

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  8. Oh Jane. Huge hugs to you and your family at this heartbreaking time.

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  9. Although I barely know you, my heart goes out to you and your family at this dreadful time. Sending you love. x

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  10. Oh PEACE to you Jane.
    HUGS from me to you.

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  11. I am thinking of you Jane.

    Take good care.

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  12. So very sorry Jane. Thinking of you.

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  13. Sending you hugs.
    Sandrine x

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  14. wishing you peace in this horrible time xoxo

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  15. Oh Jane, that's such sad and difficult news. Sending you all hugs xx

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  16. love and hugs at such a heart wrenching time. Hope your fahter is receiving all the comfort he needs. He is blessed to have such a wonderful family around him.

    xxxx

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  17. Sending love and cyber hugs to you and your family at this difficult time....treasure each special moment. Take care XOX

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  18. Oh Jane, I know that you knew this was coming, but it doesn't make it any easier does it? I hope that you can take some comfort from the fact that you are able to spend this time with your dad and that you are continuing to make his life happy by being there with him. I hope that those close to you and all us bloggy friends can support you in whatever way you need. You take your time...we''ll be here.
    x

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  19. Oh Jane, big hugs to you, Mr PB and the Pixies. What a difficult time for you all. Take care. Debxx

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  20. sending warm thoughts and empathetic vibes your way...

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  21. I am so, so sorry about your father Jane....be strong and concentrate on your family for now...we will all be here when you are ready. xv

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  22. Such a difficult time for you all Jane and my heart truly goes out to you all as I know from experience how hard it is to watch a loved one deteriorate like this. Sending you all strength and big hugs - don't worry about blogland, treasure this time with your Dad and we'll all be here for you when you're ready xx

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  23. Jane, sending you the biggest of hugs... spend time in the moment with your darling dad and don't worry, all your bloggy friends will be here to support you no matter what :) Having just spent 3 weeks away from the computer, I can only say that it put life way back into perspective. Fingers crossed sweetie

    Ang xx

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  24. Oh Sweetheart....my heart goes out to you and your little family...and especially your Dad... Sending you all lots of love and positive light x

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  25. So sorry to hear about your Dad's decline in health, Jane. Sending you and your family love and thoughts.

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  26. Hugs Jane. Thinking of you. X

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  27. Oh Jane,
    indeed go and be with your dad as much as you can, my heart goes out to you and your family, take care sweetie, love,
    Maureen xx

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  28. Wow, that must be really wild to have your highs and lows at the same time. Hang in there sweetie - big hugs to you, your dad, and the rest of your family! XOL

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  29. Oh Jane! So sorry to hear!!!!
    You & your family are in my thoughts!
    Thinking of you! Take it easy & be with those you love!
    xo

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  30. Sending you as much love and as many hugs as you need right now Jane. Jx

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  31. Oh dear Jane, this makes my heart ache terribly. I feel for you and your family so deeply at this time. I do hope your lovely dad continues to be pain free and receives the comfort and peace he deserves. For the rest of you, I wish much strength and positivity, from one another and from all the beautiful memories you've shared together as a family. These moments are never easy, please take care of yourself and know we'll all be here when you are feeling up to returning. Big hugs xoxo

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  32. Hi Jane..we're right behind you..I know you're making the right choices and your family needs you right now. You're a wonderful daughter and I am sure, comfort them greatly. Just sending some prayerful thoughts, hugs and much love xox.

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  33. So desperately sorry to hear this news, it must be heartbreaking and devastating to see your father's decline, and for such big changes to happen quickly, it is so hard to get your head around. Thinking of you and wishing your family strength and courage. xxx Annie

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  34. Jane, thinking of you. I know this is a difficult time. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  35. Much love and hugs to you Jane. Take care and hold on to those precious moments with your Dad xox

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  36. There is no greater man in a girls life than her dad & I cant even begin to imagine what you guys must be going through. Sending lots of hugs to you & your family Jane. Take care xxx

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  37. What a sad post. I am thinking of you...

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  38. Sending hugs through cyberspace to you Jane xo

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  39. Thinking of you Jane, sending big hugs to you and your family. Meredy xo

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  40. Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou. You are all such gorgeous spirits with huge hearts. I am blessed to have found you all in Blogland. J x

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  41. Oh Jane My heart goes out to you and your family in this difficult emotional time. Hugs.

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  42. Oh Jane, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Sending a hug to you. x

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  43. Thanks, ladies. You all have huge hearts. J x

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Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, you gorgeous soul. You've just made my day! J x

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