Wednesday, 5 January 2011

My hopes for 2011

Well, I must say, so many of you have been very industrious, posting about your New Year’s resolutions and goals so promptly! Most impressive. I’m not *quite* as organised (although I have bought my gorgeous Kikki K diary – see above). Following on from the Great Shed Clearout, I’ve been cleaning, sorting and decluttering on PB like a woman possessed. Not to mention completing 2010’s tasks. Mr PB and I did an enormous ‘brain dump’ of outstanding tasks onto a huge piece of paper and we’ve done most of them so that’s progress. That done, my headspace is now shifting into 2011. I’m not one for making New Year’s resolutions. However, I have settled on two concepts I’d like to focus on this year – ‘connecting’ and ‘being kind to myself’.


If only it were this simple!
This is so important to me. Given my PND, I feel disconnected from pretty much everything. Emotions, events and people. Some of you Planetarians might find that a little odd, given the general tenor of my blog. So many people comment to me about its warmth and sense of community. I’m so delighted to hear that because I can’t feel it. Not one little bit. That’s mainly my head writing my posts. My heart, too, but I just can’t feel any emotion. ‘Fake it until you make it’ is my PND motto – it makes sense, really. I just have to keep going, one foot in front of the other, and eventually, the medication will do its wonders and the PND will lift. My heart will feel emotion again.
So, this year, I am going to make much more of an effort to connect with:

• My close friends (whom I’ve neglected of late); and

• My dad (who’s unwell).
I started tonight by phoning my dear friend in Sydney for a lovely chat. I have a list of more friends I’m going to phone over the next week. I’m reaching out again, tentatively. They’re all kind-hearted souls who’ve known me for ages and will understand that I haven’t had the extra energy recently to maintain my normal level of contact. But even so, I’ve really missed them.

I think I’ll also arrange a regular weekly catch-up with my parents so Dad and I can *finally* sort through the boxes of family paraphernalia which contain treasured mementoes. Oh, and write down all those family stories which have been passed down through the generations but never yet been committed to paper. I don’t want to regret not taking this opportunity later on.

Being kind to myself

Aren't they pretty?
This is going to be such a *challenge* for me as I don’t even really understand what it means. Seriously! I have the old putting-my-needs-last-for-the-past-5-years routine so down pat, I’ve forgotten there is any other way to live. Actually putting my needs, and particularly my health, first feels so odd, like a complete indulgence. And something else to feel guilty about.

Yet, as my doctors keep reminding me, a happy mum = a happy family. Being happy and healthy are mutually interchangeable here. Apart from the fact that I don’t *enjoy* being unwell, my family needs me to get better.

So, in the absence of having a magic wand to wave the PND away, what can I do to be kind to myself in 2011? Well, with Joshie starting full-time school and India at daycare for 2 days a week, we’re putting Sam into daycare for 1 day a week. That means I will actually have about 6 hours to myself. A week. What luxury! But I have to see it not as a *guilty indulgence* but as a necessity for me to recover. I have never been away from Sam for more than a few hours for all his 17 months. Not that I need to justify it to anyone. If anyone has a problem with our doing that, then it’s their problem. And for those precious 6 hours, I will have to ensure I don’t do the housework or chores and do relax. Hmm, now how do I do that again?! I’ve almost forgotten.

The other thing I need to do is get to bed earlier each night instead of wandering around Blogland. If I do that, I’ll get more sleep and my medication will work better. If my medication works better, then eventually my PND will disappear. Hmm, this has to be my last late night post...

So, they’re my two hopes for 2011, lovely Planetarians. Let’s see how I fare!



  1. Morning beautiful! That all sounds like a great plan. You'll love the six hours a week and your family will too. Hope you enjoy a lovely day today...looks like the sun is up and shining in Hobart, a sunny day?! Kisses, Emma.

  2. Jane: Happy 2011!
    Sounds like you have
    your priorities exactly
    right. I am very envious
    that you accomplished so
    much over the holiday break.
    I am still crawling out from
    under the flu and already
    feel behind in 2011 and it
    is only the 5th!!! I'm craving
    a bit of that Hobart sunshine
    right about now : ) Sending you
    heaps of encouragement to tackle
    both of your commendable goals.
    Love from Minnesota, USA!
    xx Suzanne

  3. six hours for you sounds like a wonderful place to start Jane. I'm glad to see you don't have a huge long list but are choosing to focus on what's most important. Think what you will have achieved this time next year :) Bless.

  4. Hey Jane. You know, our heads and hearts are far more reliable than emotions anyday (my emotions have betrayed me many many many times!) I am connecting with what your head and heart are writing here at PB! Plus, you are a terrific mum for a) identifying your need for me-time in order to be the best you can be and b) doing something about it! I am a praying woman and will keep you and your dad in my prayers. xxx Fi

  5. They sound like wonderful plans to me! Nurture your mind and your health will follow. Really glad you have already got cracking on the connectedness. No time like the present hey? Thanks also for the 'shakes' tip - I must say that as much as I love soup and fluids I have never thought that shakes would do it for me. Do you ever feel like you have 'eaten'???

  6. Dear Jane,
    I wish you and your family all the best for 2011, good health and fun! I will be back to read all your lovely posts I've missed, take care hon, Maureen x

  7. What a beautiful post. I love the idea of concepts rather then resolutions. I can so relate to what you are saying I had PND after my second child which took about 20 months to get better. He is now two and a half. Now the feeling is back and I have learnt to look after myself a little better. Enjoy those 6 precious hours. I hope this year is a good one for you. G

  8. Great post Jane. I know exactly what you mean about detachment etc. Well, you know my story. Having that day to yourself is so important. I have two days to myself and I make the most of it - even if its just to veg out on the couch and watch MY television shows. Or I just get out on my own and drive. Again, this is a down to earth and honest post and I appreciate your honesty. I have to do the early nights too, otherwise things can get ugly. My doc gave me a curfew of midnight! Hahaha!
    May this year be a good one for you and your family.
    Megs :)

  9. Happy New Year Jane! Your goals sound spot on and you'll be enjoying the results before you know it! xo Cathy

  10. Jane, you'll get there. Little steps and all will be well.
    I am impessed with your cleanout -I have more of that to do as well. :)

  11. Jane, they sound like great goals!
    Nurturing yourself (that was my goal for last year) and taking some time for yourself on "your day" is a wonderful idea and should really help you feel better.
    Make sure you only do things you love on that day and enjoy without the mother guilt! (think that is something I need to rid myself of this year, along with the word "should.")
    Maybe I will bump into you out in the big town of Hobart when I am taking some of my own time out ;)

  12. Yes, having a break from your children is a good thing - it's healthy to miss them for a little while. Here's to a great 2011 for you, Jane. xx

  13. Actually I'm not all that keen on the "happy mum makes happy family" comment they bang on about - I think it just adds to the guilt factor. The implication, as I see it, is that if we (as mums) can't magically make ourselves happy all the time, everything will fall apart and everyone else in the world will be unhappy. (I know I'm exaggerating, it's just always rubbed me up the wrong way!!).

    I hope you do find the time to relax - and get some early nights (it really makes a world of difference).

    PS: don't get me wrong, I'm in a perfectly good mood...I just like a rant as much as the next mum :-)

  14. Hi Jane, Those 6 hours are fully deserved and will be just what you need! Make sure you DO relax! Letitia xx

  15. Thank you for sharing so honestly. I hope that you enjoy your extra time and get some sleep.

    I ran across a blog post today and thought of you, oh bloggy sage one -


  16. Hey Jane. Taking small steps helps the goals remain achievable. I found it very difficult to take time for myself with four little people. One trick that helped ease me into using MY time as intended, was to initially venture to a cafe with a book or magazine or journal, and sit for awhile before returning home. Otherwise, if I went straight home after school drop-off, I would launch into chores rather than me time. And those well-educated doctors are spot on, happy Mum=happy family for sure! Take care xx

  17. Jane - great aims for 2011! Was great catching up with you today, just a pity we didn't really get to chat more but that's life with pre-schoolers. Enjoy your time to yourself and I'd love to be able to catch up with you sans kiddos sometime soon so I can get to know you!

  18. Jane I so get the putting yourself last stuff and the guilt associated with changing the equation - for intelligent women we can be a little slow sometimes :) I go weeks and months with the only down time being when I am asleep - my biggest personal space is blogworld which my Mr does not understand at all ... :) I hear your challenges, acknowledge some of them as my own and I just know you will make progress forward - many hugs le xox

  19. ps I love a fresh diary :) le xoxo

  20. Hey Jane - what an insightful post. :) I'm sure half the battle with PND is just understanding it, and yourself. Your goals/aims/concepts are fantastic... all kudos to you for this year. Blessings as you practice.
    Squishy hugs,

  21. Dear Jane... I am so grateful that you are writing this because PND isn't talked about enough. I work with Mummies-to-be and speak about this the very first time I meet them because it often goes undiagnosed for a long time. 6 hours huh? Don't put pressure on yourself. Plan for 20 minutes of doing something that you love... Cup of tea on the step, read a mag.... simple stuff to start with.... the rest of the day will work itself out....

  22. Best wishes for 2011, Jane. Always remember to take time for is the only way that you can cope with everything else. Loved your post. :)

  23. Good list Jane. Well thought out, as I expected. I have a suggestion, I banned myself from the computer for about and hour before bedtime and I find it much easier to go to sleep without all the blog stimulation running around in my head. It may be worth a try, although I do understand that sometimes night time is the only chance you get.
    Be kind to yourself Jane, I am sure you are a super mum, you don't have to be supersonic.~deb~

  24. Jane, I wish you all the very best for 2011 and that you break your PND cycle and connect more and be kinder to yourself. Sometimes you have to be a little more selfish for your own preservation. I bought my husband for Christmas Eric Bana's Love the Beast and on it Dr. Phil does an interview with Eric where Eric is questioning maintaining his car that he crashed and Dr. Phil says something like "If you don't have your own interests, what do you show your children ..." or something like that. I think it is a lesson all parents need to know. Also, magnesium is the mothering mineral. I believe.

  25. Jane, I'm so excited for you, and I think having a six hour block of time to yourself will be so refreshing for you and something you can look forward to every (school!) week. And connecting with your father and friends - great priorities.

    Here's to you, my friend, and here's to a good year!

    x Sarah

  26. You're so honest & genuine, so few are. While i can't relate to how you feel i can certainly see that it's in you, it's certainly in you to feel the love. Perhaps as your children grow, start school (all of them, including that last little cutey) the me-time will flow & you'll find more of yourself. It's time darling Jane, time heels so much. Love Posie

  27. Wow Jane, good on you for being so brutally honest about your life and the difficulties you are going through. Isn't it ironic that no matter how ill, defunct, emotionally void and despite all the crap going on in your life... you can present yourself as a succinct, warm, funny, and intelligent on a blog!! Although I don't have PND, I've had my share of difficulty and often feel I can't cope -- I sometimes feel my own blog is a total farce!!A lot of mine stems from bouts of sleep deprivation, that first 3 months with a newborn is TOUGH... I am about to throw my 24 month old into childcare a day a week too and although I still have my little 4 month-old with me, I am rejoicing about my day of freeeeeedom I am about to get each week! Have you had pnd for the last 17 months or is it recent -- how do you live with it?

  28. first of all loooooooooooooooove the new layout! love it! how did I miss that change!

    next of all great goals! i think you're fabulous just for sharing your pnd with us and letting us know how it is. And I think it's great you'll get 6 hours to your self! how about taking up a class you'd love to take (quilting?), get your nails done, go shopping in peace and quiet...I'm sure you will find something to do! you need it.

    The best thing that has happened since elodie arrived on the homefront is that my lovely angelique comes in twice a week - 10 hours a week I get of help plus a cleaner. There is no way, no way in this world I could raise 4 little children and a house without this help. It is my sanity and I'm sure those 6 hours are well deserved.

    trust me that no one will say anything about you putting him in care for a rest, he will love it and you will love it!


  29. Cripes! Thanks so much for your caring and insightful comments, ladies. I'll just reply to some of them.

    Thanks, Fiona - very kind of you.

    Hey, Georgy, I'm so pleased you've made it out the other side of PND. Good for you!

    Ah, Megs, my curfew is *meant* to be 10.30 pm but that seems way too early ☺.

    Why, thanks, Kat - as part of my 'connecting', I'd love to meet you this year, my fellow Hobartian.

    Cate, yes, the whole boring 'mother guilt' issue will get a post of its own here this year. So real and tedious to overcome.

    A great link, Laura - it reminded me to back up our hard drive so thanks!

    Thanks for dropping by, Beck. I really like that idea - I think I may have to start with taking myself out of the house in order to resist the temptation to do housework and get me in the 'relax' mindset.

    Another good plan, Martha - baby steps at first for me, I guess.

    A useful tip, Deb - I think you're onto something there. Oh, and I *love* the supersonic reference!

    That's a great thought, Nessa - something else for me to keep in mind. Oh, yes - we've checked my Mg level, thanks.

    Thanks, Sarah - connecting you with is high on my list of priorities ☺.

    I really appreciate your comment, Jennie - I just have to be patient, I guess.

    Thanks, Nicole, for the lovely compliments. I've had the PND since Sam was born - I've posted a few times about it, if you're interested.

    And finally, Corrie - thanks for noticing! It's still being finalised but I love the new look. And you totally *get* what I'm feeling - thanks for that lovely reassurance. It's just what I need now. J x

  30. These are perect resolutions, Jane.

    I LOVE the new look! Did you do all of this, you clever minx. x

  31. Happy 2011 Jane and PB family !
    Sterling plans Jane - look forward to watching your progress - the efforts will be definatly worth while :)
    I think the "free time" plan is a definate winner - especially establishing it as a routine. I suspect many of us Mums or otherwise forget that to nurture others you must be nutured too.

  32. Thats great Jane! I cant say I am one for the 'happy mum, happy family' idea either (as someone else mentioned) Its just one other thing that has the potential to make us feel guilty, 'if Im not happy, I make the family miserable', that kind of idea! But aside from that, I think its a good habit to get into, to give ourselves time for our OWN health, which then roles models for our children as well, two fold effect :) I think having six hours to yourself is a wonderful idea and your little fella will probably have a ball of fun too! I dont set resolutions, I hate the pressure of them LOL But I think yours sound very real and achievable and all part of a big plan! I guess the biggest thing I would like to be 'concious' of this year is health, that includes the whole mind, body, spirit thing, I have felt less than myself this year and I know Ineed to be more mindful of things I can do to make me happy, positive self talk being at the top of my list. So good luck to you Jane, I look forward to getting to know you a bit better this year x

  33. Lovely post Jane, though I agree with what's been said earlier. Happy mum shouldn't be needed for happy baby, as it's a pressure that you don't need right now. What better way for our children to learn that life isn't always easy and laughter-filled than by learning from how we deal with our own sadness and challenges. I wish you much happiness for 2011 and hope you enjoy those precious hours to yourself each week. ps. love the diary, I have it in black, beautiful! xx

  34. Oh miss J. you did good! Your new blog look is fab, fresh and I love your signature with the butterfly! Perhaps this will help you; you notice that you choose a butterfly, not a heavy color or something depressing, but a free, flowing image, kind of a hope logo if you will, so I think you are getting there, indeed one step at the time. So be kind to yourself, love that thinking, perhaps something I have to do more too... Gotta go now, past midnight here...
    A new morning for you already! Enjoy it,
    Big hug Jane, from me to you!
    Maureen x

  35. Sam will love his 6 hours at care each week and you must be kind to yourself in that time. No racing around cleaning, washing and shopping. Read a book, go for a walk, expore and remind yourself that you are being kind to yourself. x

  36. well hello there at last sweetie...i am just getting on my feet after a very full house for the last 5 weeks...i NEEDED the time out...& this mornings blog wandering has been GORGEOUS!!!!!

    your honesty, once again, makes me love visiting you even more...
    listen you need to follow your own advice...because you NEED to know how heart warming your blog is...but more than that Jane you need to FEEL it!
    go to bed early...get that important sleep...let the medication kick in and take hold...and then imagine the moment when you FEEL your own blogs sense of love!

    i absolutely know that i am simplifying something that needs more time & space than anything i can imagine...but i want you to see what we all see....
    take care dear friend down under....2011 is a good time to put yourself first -even if it's only 6hours as week...
    melissa xxx

  37. Not sure how I missed this post. These sound like exactly what you need to be focusing on. I so hope you are able to spend those hours relaxing - for yourself and for your family. I look forward to following you on this journey and I know 2011 is going to be great :)

  38. Oh, my! Look what happens when I turn my back ☺.

    Thanks, Bron - no, Katrina Chambers is the lady to see. She's brilliant.

    Yes, Lee, making 'me time' part of my routine instead of an optional extra is the plan.

    Good luck with your plans, Bec. We should meet up - what do you think?

    Thanks, Natalie. And you have great taste!

    Maureen, you're a sweetheart. Yes, I wasn't sure about the butterfly at first but now it's really growing on me.

    Yes, Emma, that will be my big challenge. I am so used to being busy all the time. I've forgotten how much I relish solitude and time for thinking.

    You are such a darling, Miss Melissa. Thanks for your lovely compliments. I'm so pleased you can feel warmth here.

    Yes, Becky, we'll get there. We can walk this path together. J x


Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, you gorgeous soul. You've just made my day! J x

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