Raising the next generation

So, my friends, it seems that some of you are as surprised as me that Generation X is now taking control in society. Funny, isn’t it? I suppose the question then begs to be asked - who will be following them? The close-following Generation Y, I guess, but it seems like a bit of an overlap. This whole letter-naming caper does have its shortfalls. But I expect the main people will be the pixies’ generation. Wikipedia calls those born between the early 1990s and the late 2000s ‘Generation Z’ (most inventive, don’t you think?).

Welcome, Generation Z!

Raising Generation Z is an onerous responsibility. W all want to do it right. But what does that mean? And who judges that? Does anyone really care? I suppose it all comes down to your life philosophies, how you were raised and how you’d like to do things differently. No two parents will come to parenthood with the same views on this. Somehow, especially first time around, with your L-plates dangling from your necks, you muddle through together, facing up to the challenges your child throws you. Most of the time, anyway.

Display them proudly!

Sometimes, I think, it can all seem too hard. The endless decision-making in the pixies’ best interests is tiring, relentless and often tricky. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining – it just is. Sometimes we just can’t know if it’s the best decision. We just have to make the one that is best at that time, in that moment. And then hope to billy-oh that we were right! And even if we weren’t, then maybe we can learn from our mistakes. Hopefully. Oh, and assuming there are no drastic consequences! So much to consider. Ah, the joys of living on Planet Baby!

Anyway, we consider ourselves pretty blessed to have had such carefree and innocent childhoods growing up in Hobart. We’d love to raise the pixies in a similar fashion as much as possible and given the changes in society since we grew up. We’ve pretty much managed to do that so far. How much longer we’ll be able to shield them from some of life’s harsh lessons so they can enjoy their childhoods, I don’t know.

Childhood seems so much shorter nowadays, don’t you think? Or is that just me being nostalgic and whimsical? Let me know what you think. I think there seems to be such a rush to ‘grow up’. So many adult clothes or items come in ‘mini’ sizes. There’s also so much black children’s clothing nowadays so the littlies can look ‘cool’ like their parents. I’m a bit old-fashioned in that regard. I think there’ll be plenty of time for the pixies to wear black once they’re older. For now, I’m happy to indulge their love of colour. We also avoid buying them heavily branded clothing. Of course, they’re given it by others but we don’t seek it out. In a world swamped by advertising and images, we figure that the pixies don’t need to be advertising billboards as well.

Ready, steady go!

We now even have a ‘Junior Master Chef’, indulging the community’s seemingly insatiable appetite for the show. I haven’t watched it yet and I’m sure plenty of people will follow it avidly (I loved watching the original series and only missed the second as we don’t have a set top box) but it’s not my cup of tea. I think children nowadays have enough pressure heaped on them by society and its expectations without adding anything extra. You’re grown-up for a very long time, after all. There’ll be time for all that later, surely. Then again, I’m sure that many parents would like their children involved in something like that to give them some focus or maybe just because they love cooking and that should be encouraged. There are always two sides to the coin, aren’t there?

I read a brilliant article in the weekend Sydney Morning Herald by the talented Julia Baird. I’ve long admired the incisiveness and clarity of her writing. Do read it if you have a moment. She commented on the modern phenomenon of ‘helicopter parenting’, the manner in which parents now worry so much about their parenting and get so involved in their children’s lives, hovering over them all the time. That can have the (unintended) result that the children don’t learn how to occupy themselves or make their own fun. Instead, they end up relying on their ever-obliging parents to provide stimulation and come up with ideas.

Ian before his surprise (and only) helicopter flight

Apparently, some recent research has shown the dire impact this parenting is having on parents’ relationships. It seems that many parents are wearing themselves ragged in their efforts to provide constant, stimulating activities for their offspring, rendering them tired and miserable. And all because they love their children and are trying to do the very best thing for them. Parenting is a hard gig, isn’t it?

I was also fascinated by the observation that, according to Margaret Nelson in her book ‘Parenting Out of Control: Anxious Parents in Uncertain Times’, ‘highly educated adults, who are also spending more time at work, are the most obsessive parents’. Baird reasons that ‘We have made parenting a profession, pushed ourselves to achieve an impossible ‘perfection' and punished ourselves by sacrificing our own lives.’ That really caught my attention. I think I can plead ‘guilty’ to the latter charge. Therein may well lie one of the causes of my PND. Too much time spent worrying about the children, not enough time spent worrying about me.

But it’s so hard to find that balance, don’t you think? We consciously try to walk the tightrope of giving the children enough independence (and taking into account their respective ages and what is age-appropriate, of course) and providing direction and routine. It’s such a juggling act. Sometimes we get it right, sometime we don’t. Like the other day when I was (ahem) blogging and heard Sam's (muffled) cry. I assessed the urgency of his cry and determined that he could wait a minute longer for my attention. I was wrong. The older pixies raced in and told me that he had crawled out the front door and fallen over the edge of the verandah. It was a short distance to fall (thanks goodness) and he was fine, to my great relief. So I stuffed that one up. But by the same token, I don’t want to hover over him, supervising every move to ensure he doesn’t hurt himself (within reason, of course). We learn through our mistakes, don’t we? Ahem...

The other side of the coin is when Joshua emerged from his bedroom this morning, proudly brandishing this vibrant drawing he whipped up because I had suggested he do a drawing to send into ABC1’s ‘Giggle and Hoot’.

Do you think they will show this on the telly?

He was so proud of himself. See how he spelt his name and added his age? Very cute. He did all that on his own, without direction. It’s times like that when I realise how much he thrives on being left to his own devices. All in a safe environment, of course! Seeing him foster his imagination like that really warms my heart.

So, while it’s probably no longer safe to let the pixies roam around the neighbourhood until it gets dark like we did when growing up, we still try to give them freedom to lark about and create. Mind you, there are limits on the amount of mess caused by such creativity that my Virgo temperament will tolerate! But in the main, we enjoy seeing them try things out, explore and investigate. I’d love to hear your thoughts on what it’s like to raise children in 2010. Do you think parents have a hard job, navigating tricky waters or do you think the challenges are much the same for today’s parents as they were when we were growing up? Jump in and comment – all opinions welcomed!

Jane