Headspace (or the lack of it)

Headspace.  I think it is one of the things I crave the most from my pre-PB life.  Back then, I could think long and hard about things.  I could think long enough until I achieved clarity.  I could talk to someone on a topic and reach a rational conclusion.  I could even have a proper conversation with adults with a beginning, middle and end!  And strictly in that order. On PB, headspace is at a premium as I juggle the three pixies with their differing demands, temperaments and routines.  I have a lot of unanswered questions in my head. 

What was I just thinking? I've completely forgotten.

I have to concentrate on finishing a sentence, let alone a thought bubble.  I have actually acquired the skill of having three different conversations with the pixies all at once and even using differing intonation.  Before life on PB, I would never have it imagined that would be possible.

Eleven months later, I still haven’t been able to process any thoughts on leaving Sydney and returning to Hobart. I rationally know that we are living here but I don’t think my brain has quite cottoned on yet. It’s probably only just crossed Bass Strait and hasn’t connected with me in Hobart yet! We get the Sydney Morning Herald delivered (a day late but I savour every word) and I listen to my favourite Sydney radio station ABC 702 on the internet (we plan to buy an internet radio so I will be able to tune in without having the computer running all the time). We choose not to read the Mercury which, being a one newspaper town, means we only hear of events through word of mouth or more usually, through my mother who likes to keep up with all the goss.

There is so much to miss about Sydney and yet so much to like about Hobart. It's very much a mixed feeling.  We moved to Sydney the week after we married and spent 11 years there so moving was not a decision made lightly.  Returning to Hobart to raise the pixies was always our intention but it was just a matter of finding the right time, if there ever is one.  Then the right job presented itself for my DH so we moved back with three children under four, including six week old Sam.

Besides the obvious fact of having three young children, a major reason behind my lack of headspace is that I have severe post-natal depression (PND) which is a frustrating nuisance. It makes me feel disconnected and detached from people and things. It is hard to accept the PND, as distinct from surrendering to it, and still make the effort to catch up with old friends and build new friendships. Just getting through each day looking after three littlies is an effort. It’s like swimming through treacle or something else tricky and viscous. By day’s end, I have little left in the tank.

Fortunately, I am receiving help from some gifted and caring professionals so hopefully things will improve soon.  I'm finding writing this blog a pleasant distraction and it's helping me order my thoughts a little.  Here's to finding some headspace again! I'd love to hear how you find some headspace whilst working and raising children.  I think all parents experience this difficulty while raising children.  Any tips will be gratefully received!

Jane