Searching for the light to guide my way

Oh, you sweet-hearted Planetarians! I am so moved by the wellspring of support you have shown me since my last post about my darling Dad. You all have huge hearts. It is such an intense time as I visit him every day whilst keeping the affairs of state running here. Dad is still hanging in there, perhaps not ‘raging against the dying of the light’ but still not giving up either. Life is a confusing, blurred amalgam of the sublime, the ridiculous and everything in between.

I am teetering, somewhat precariously, between the two worlds of being with Dad, *in the moment*, making sure I say what I want, and need, to and caring for the pixies as they grapple with the reality of what is happening to their precious Pa. Oh, as well as helping them adapt to the new house, school, daycare and soccer team. Not to mention continuing to piece together the enormous jigsaw puzzle of misplaced possessions following The Great Unpack.

In the midst of this, I am searching for the light and the clarity I need to write Dad’s eulogy. I have put my hand up for this great privilege. It will be my gift to Dad, harnessing my love of words in my best attempt to do him justice.

I need to get into the *right headspace* first. Then I’m sure the words will come a-tumbling.

Right now, I’m befuddled. Thoughts and words race around my head, seeking to be heard, recorded and ordered. They haven’t fallen into place yet. They shift and change, depending on my mood and how Dad’s day has been.

I crave clarity of thought.

It has been bitterly cold in Hobart for the past fortnight or so with snow halfway down Mount Wellington (a rare sight), blistering southerly busters and lashing rain. Miserable weather to reflect my mood.

But incredibly, most days, glorious rainbows have pierced the clouds and lit up the sky. Here’s one taken from Joshie’s school.

And another, just up the road.

I feel like Someone is trying to show me the way forward.

But I haven’t stumbled upon it yet. Does anyone have a map for me?