Bittersweet: a daughter's lament

Thanks, sweet Planetarians, for all your encouraging words about our weekend gardening foray. Discovering my green thumb is a fascinating process! You should see me, out pruning our roses. I keep discovering more and more, lying strangled under alyssum. And wait until you see the follow-up photos taken after Mr Mulcher had done his work ☺.

Source

But my life isn't just a bed of roses at the moment. Far from it.

I've posted before about my darling Dad's worsening health. Sadly, it has declined rapidly in the past month or so. A lot of his spleen has died due to the lack of oxygen (caused by his low red blood cell count resulting from his myelofibrosis).

He has had multiple RBC transfusions recently but they don't seem to be helping his body anymore. However, he has elected to continue receiving them.

Today he went by ambulance back to hospital as they suspect he has a kidney infection. He also has pressure sores developing, despite sitting and lying on special foam cushions.

He's not in any pain, so that is some relief. Sam and I popped in today to see him and Mum just after he had arrived. I was able to have a quick conversation with him and he was coherent. However, he couldn't understand why he was in hospital.

Mr PB spent some time with him tonight, helping him eat his dinner as Mum had to go out. His specialist attended and explained that Dad's systems are gradually shutting down, one by one. He said we are probably looking at him lasting a matter of weeks, if not days, and that we should tell him what we need to now.

I suspect he won't leave the hospital at this rate.

Having him in hospital will give Mum some much-needed respite as she has become his much-needed full-time carer and it has taken a dreadful toll on her. 

He has lost about 20 kg in weight so is now about 50 kg, just parchment skin stretched over a bag of bones. He requires the use of a walker and has lost control of a lot of his independence. His macular degeneration has set in quite rapidly so he struggles to see much now.

He spends a lot of time sleeping.

Anyway, whilst this is terribly distressing and heart-breaking to put into words (I am sobbing my heart out as I write this), I hope it helps you understand where I'm at.

Life is terribly bittersweet at the moment. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows, all happening at once.   

I would love to catch up on your latest. However, I hope you won't mind if I am a bit absent from Blogland for the immediate future. 

I really have to make the most of every day I have left with my darling Dad.