My hopes for 2011

Well, I must say, so many of you have been very industrious, posting about your New Year’s resolutions and goals so promptly! Most impressive. I’m not *quite* as organised (although I have bought my gorgeous Kikki K diary – see above). Following on from the Great Shed Clearout, I’ve been cleaning, sorting and decluttering on PB like a woman possessed. Not to mention completing 2010’s tasks. Mr PB and I did an enormous ‘brain dump’ of outstanding tasks onto a huge piece of paper and we’ve done most of them so that’s progress. That done, my headspace is now shifting into 2011. I’m not one for making New Year’s resolutions. However, I have settled on two concepts I’d like to focus on this year – ‘connecting’ and ‘being kind to myself’.

Connecting

If only it were this simple!

This is so important to me. Given my PND, I feel disconnected from pretty much everything. Emotions, events and people. Some of you Planetarians might find that a little odd, given the general tenor of my blog. So many people comment to me about its warmth and sense of community. I’m so delighted to hear that because I can’t feel it. Not one little bit. That’s mainly my head writing my posts. My heart, too, but I just can’t feel any emotion. ‘Fake it until you make it’ is my PND motto – it makes sense, really. I just have to keep going, one foot in front of the other, and eventually, the medication will do its wonders and the PND will lift. My heart will feel emotion again.

 

So, this year, I am going to make much more of an effort to connect with:

• My close friends (whom I’ve neglected of late); and

• My dad (who’s unwell).

 

I started tonight by phoning my dear friend in Sydney for a lovely chat. I have a list of more friends I’m going to phone over the next week. I’m reaching out again, tentatively. They’re all kind-hearted souls who’ve known me for ages and will understand that I haven’t had the extra energy recently to maintain my normal level of contact. But even so, I’ve really missed them.

I think I’ll also arrange a regular weekly catch-up with my parents so Dad and I can *finally* sort through the boxes of family paraphernalia which contain treasured mementoes. Oh, and write down all those family stories which have been passed down through the generations but never yet been committed to paper. I don’t want to regret not taking this opportunity later on.

Being kind to myself

Aren't they pretty?

This is going to be such a *challenge* for me as I don’t even really understand what it means. Seriously! I have the old putting-my-needs-last-for-the-past-5-years routine so down pat, I’ve forgotten there is any other way to live. Actually putting my needs, and particularly my health, first feels so odd, like a complete indulgence. And something else to feel guilty about.

Yet, as my doctors keep reminding me, a happy mum = a happy family. Being happy and healthy are mutually interchangeable here. Apart from the fact that I don’t *enjoy* being unwell, my family needs me to get better.

So, in the absence of having a magic wand to wave the PND away, what can I do to be kind to myself in 2011? Well, with Joshie starting full-time school and India at daycare for 2 days a week, we’re putting Sam into daycare for 1 day a week. That means I will actually have about 6 hours to myself. A week. What luxury! But I have to see it not as a *guilty indulgence* but as a necessity for me to recover. I have never been away from Sam for more than a few hours for all his 17 months. Not that I need to justify it to anyone. If anyone has a problem with our doing that, then it’s their problem. And for those precious 6 hours, I will have to ensure I don’t do the housework or chores and do relax. Hmm, now how do I do that again?! I’ve almost forgotten.

The other thing I need to do is get to bed earlier each night instead of wandering around Blogland. If I do that, I’ll get more sleep and my medication will work better. If my medication works better, then eventually my PND will disappear. Hmm, this has to be my last late night post...

So, they’re my two hopes for 2011, lovely Planetarians. Let’s see how I fare!